He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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