I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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