So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
