At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
