Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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