We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
