phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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