fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
