I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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