but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
