Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
