Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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