And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
