True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
