have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize