So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
