I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
