That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
