Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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