My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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