i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
