do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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