she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
