just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
