I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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