season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
