Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
