I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
