im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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