She said her name was "party"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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