talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
