So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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