Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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