I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
