Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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