Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
