Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
