: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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