I look better un-naked...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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