I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
