i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
