Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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