Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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