Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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