just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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