ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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