so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
