i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize