Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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