I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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