Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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