I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
