help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just gift wrapped bread.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
