Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
