he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
