one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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