I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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