I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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