Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
