epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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