with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
