Me too!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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