He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
