I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
BRING THE BAGELS
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
