i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
