pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
