he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
