are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize