Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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