i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize