Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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