It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
