do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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