she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
